Monday, September 22, 2014

Wanderer

Today's ten-minute prompt provided by Sabrina. Deb and Alison both wrote great things.

I have never been lost. Oh, I'm not speaking about being physically lost. I'm been stranded on the back roads of Zion National Park with a car stuck in the mud. I've been alone off the main trail with a shredded tire and pitched camp for the night. I've found myself in an empty café with a man in a foreign country who wanted more than I wanted to give. I've picked up hitchhikers and I've been the hitchhiker. I've ridden in numerous tow trucks with giant men and sometimes giant dogs as well. I've been stranded on the beach for weeks with no one to talk to, lonelier than I've ever been in my life (Tolstoy and Dostoevsky became my friends). But I've never been really lost.
  I've never wondered who I am. I've never wondered about my importance to my God. I've never questioned the path of my lift. I've questioned moments, wondering what to do, but not who to be. I've never wandered.
  And I wonder if I have missed something. Don't misunderstand. I've made mistakes--sometimes I've deliberately chosen the wrong. But I did so knowing what was right for me, knowing I was betraying myself, knowing that I would pay for it later. I've never wondered if there was a different way for me to live my life. I've never floundered in the dark, wondering if the path I was treading was the correct one for me.
  I am not a wanderer.
  I wonder what I've missed out on, what adventures I could have had. But I don't believe that I would be happier for wandering. I don't believe I would be different. I like the place where I am. I like my life. There are things I would like to change, mostly about myself, but they have to do with becoming more of the person I know I am instead of changing the person I am. And they give me the opportunity each day to live a little more honestly with myself and my God.
  To those who are wanderers, I take my hat off to you. Yours is a beautiful path. One I would love to hear about.

3 comments:

  1. I've wandered a lot, but I've also learned a lot, which makes me wonder if I was ever really wandering at all? I adore your distinction between being lost physically vs being lost transcendentally. I also love that the changes you want to make about yourself are ones you feel will bring you closer to who you really are. Yummy thoughts.

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  2. I love that your post makes me feel like I have never actually been lost at all. Not physically, but apparently I rock at being transcendentally lost pretty much all the time...most of the time I think being grounded would be a much better way to live. But then I think I'm just designed to float.

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  3. From this perspective, I don't know if I would say if I've wandered or not. My first husband might have been a wander. My second, too. But I think the things I learned were invaluable. But I also think I would have learned those thing without wandering, because God knows how we need to grow and how to perfectly help us do so. An interesting question you pose, Leah. Lots of food for thought tonight.

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